Well it’s been an eventful few weeks around Casa De CooCoo….. We will cover that stuff in other posts. Right now kiddies, I wanna sit back and tell you all a story from this weekend. A story about our little trip to Hazard, Kentucky for an overnight stay.
Thank The Lord that it was just the one night…. Pretty sure I escaped with the majority of the brain cells I went with.
Kyle, my hubby, is a CPR instructor and teaches classes on his off days when hired to do so. And with me now staying at home to homeschool MJ, this is awesome and helps replace my lost income. As of lately he has been getting industrial companies calling to schedule classes for their employees.
Several weeks back he got a call from a company in Hazard, Kentucky requesting a class. After he added in for travel expense and lodging and etc they set the date for the class for March 22nd, we scheduled ball practices and etc around it, added it into Cozi ( aka the big giant head) and it was done!!!
Except last weekend Kyle’s body had other plans. His Gal Bladder sent him the message that he needed to lay the hell down, then sent him to the ER. This was Saturday night, they took the Gal Bladder out Monday morning.
“We are SO into EMS that even normally routine outpatient surgeries we do emergent requiring a hospital stay!!!! IN YOUR FACE HEALTHY PEOPLE!!!”
Luckily, having previous experience with Mr. Murphy and his jackass of a law, we always have multiple backup plans.
So you have a Plan B???
How cute of you, I’m on Plan L!!!
I brought Kyle home late Tuesday evening from the hospital. His surgeon, who did an awesome job, told him no lifting over 25 pounds and no contact sports until his mid April appointment.
Another year of starting a middle aged males rugby team in West Virginia is crushed in its embryonic stages…
After a few phone calls and talking to his parents we decided that we would drop T and Q off at his parents house, take MJ with us and go to Hazard. It was obvious from the amounts of moaning and whining that he did after the surgery that his mouth was fine. So he could still teach the class and I would do all the demo stuff, like how to do compressions, helping a choking victim, underwater basket weaving, and etc. This would also allow MJ to help me set up and carry in classroom supplies and mannequins as well as let her sit in on the class and renew her CPR card, which she has had since she was 10.
Class went great. Great group of guys with great questions and observations. I hadn’t gotten to help with a class in a long time and I can honestly say that I remembered how much I enjoyed doing them before and I will make it a goal within the next couple of months to obtain my CPR instructors card!!
Or stay at a Holiday Inn Express….. Either way…
We got something to eat, then started to head back to West Virginia to get the boys, visit hubby’s parents, then visit our one week old baby nephew and his mommy.
After we had been on the road for a half an hour or so, my belly started protesting ( I haven’t had a gal bladder for 4 years and I waited way too long into the day to eat). After looking around for a little bit we noticed a sign for a Marina that was attached to a State Park. It had restroom emblems on the board so we drove down into it.
It was a nice little Marina, had several boats that you could tell was do it yourself houseboats. Apparently there are multiple uses for abandoned trailers, some underpinning, and anything that floats. I spotted the little restroom building and got out of the van and started up the walkway towards it.
As I approached the bathrooms I noticed that there was a guy standing by the ladies room door like he was guarding it. Assuming that he was just waiting on someone that was inside I walked up to the door and grabbed the handle.
This is when the guy looks up at me and says “Be careful in there!”.
My knee jerk reaction was to tell him that it would be alright, I hadn’t had that many of the boneless wings. But that is just my lack of an internal monologue showing thru, and that still doesn’t answer why I was supposed to be careful walking into a ladies restroom in the middle of a state park on a clear and sunny day.
So I bite the bullet. “I will be careful if you tell me exactly why I need to be careful” I said in an almost too cheerful of a tone.
“Oh it’s no big deal, she’s just in there washing something off” he said mumbling and looking down.
I later sat down and thought about it, he said “something”
Who is she?
Why do I have to be careful if it’s no big deal?
Why is he guarding the ladies room door?
Why in the hell am I asking you all?
So I pulled on the handle and entered the bathroom at this point with my curiosity peaked.
I came into the area where the sinks are and I saw her. It had to be her because “she” was the only other person in the bathroom at the time. She was the only other person at least.
I stopped just two sinks away from where she was… Using the extra long handicap bathroom sink….
To wash her cat.
Yes, she was giving her cat a bath.
In a ladies restroom in the middle of a Marina in a state park.
While her boyfriend stood guard by the front door to tell people to be careful when going inside.
“Hey babe! Wanna go for a boat ride?”
“Sure thing hot stuff! Just gotta run to the little girls room and give Mr Whiskers a good scrubbing! If he’s gonna be hissing and mad screaming at the water while we’re on the boat and hiding in the corner, he might as well already be soaked and mad to start with!”
“Sounds great sugar puff! I’ll stand guard outside the ladies restroom door and tell everyone to be careful going in while you are doing it!”
“OMG! You are such a kind and caring person muffin lumps! So brave!”
“It’s all for you sugar lumps. All for you and your amazingly clean cats. You’re the brave one… Don’t forget to wear your sweatshirt so he doesn’t claw you as bad as he did the last time my little chimichanga”
*Cut to scene of both of them lying dead on the bathroom floor. Mr Whiskers is sitting on top of them cleaning his paws and looking sleepy……..
The majority of all of this dialogue managed to pass thru my head as I’m standing and staring at this lady, around my age, wearing a sweater, and giggling. The cat in her outstretched arms was not a kitten, it was not wounded, and it had no visible dirt or anything on it that I could see anywhere on its body.
And he was pissed…..
You know that sound a cat makes outside when it’s about to whoop some cat ass? It was making that sound.
And would constantly make that sound for almost the next 10 minutes….
I mumbled something along the lines of “Hello” or “It puts the lotion on the skin” and stopped staring and continued into a bathroom stall.
The whole time I’m in there all I can hear is the sounds of the cat that was being water boarded outside the stall.
The whole bathroom smelled like menthol. I found out later that it was menthol scented pet shampoo. And I don’t know how many times she rinsed the damn cat. I stopped bothering to count after 10 times hearing the water turn back on.
At this point I just want her to stop and leave. I was about at the point that I was going to have to exit the stall and try not to stare at the awkward uncomfortable scene happening in the sink.
Suddenly I heard the lady halfway squeal the word “Oops!” What the hell is she saying oops about? Did she miss a couple fragments of the cats pride that she was scrubbing off?
All of a sudden a screaming, wet, pissed off object same flying into the bottom of my stall at Warp 10. It scared the hell out of me it happened so fast. So fast that before I could even process that it was in fact the poor tormented cat that was being water boarded and not a rabid midget ninja rapist that I screamed “JESUS!” And proceeded to punt return the speeding object back out of the stall. The automatic toilet decided that this was the perfect opportunity to do a courtesy flush during my time of distress.
I’m not to proud to admit, this was not my finest hour y’all.
In the next moments to follow I realized what had just happened. It was about that time I heard the giggle of the lady as she was apparently scooping up her cat and saying “oh come back here! We’re almost done!”
I sat there trying to decide if she was going to actually rinse the cat again. But she didn’t. The next sound I heard made me wonder what had happened to the other pets of this woman’s.
She turned the automatic hair dryer on and stuck the cat under it……
The sounds coming out of its mouth, if carefully translated to English, contained words that would make Veteran Sailors blush. I chose this time to come out of the stall and my eyes confirmed what my ears couldn’t believe.
I quickly walked to the sinks to wash my hands, careful to skip the long sink that had obvious cat hair remnants along with human blood in it. Along with a bottle of mentholated pet shampoo on the top of the sink.
I grabbed some towels to use on my hands about the time I heard the lady sigh and walk out the door.
Damn. Just when I was going to ask her if she had some child rearing tips for me…..
When I walked out the door, there stood the happy couple, reunited after he brave adventure.
And there on the grass below them was the cat, on a leash. I can’t for the life of me figure out why she would think that cat would run away from her ass.
Everyone should visit Cray Cray land once or twice in their life, but living with it daily would have anyone chewing off their arm to get out of the straps.
She told me that she hoped that the cat didn’t scare me as I was going past. I said that’s ok, as long as he has no broken ribs don’t worry about it. I’m pretty sure that she asked me what did I just say but I’m not sure.
I was already two thirds of the way to the van, telling Kyle to get out of the drivers seat I was taking over.
He asked if I was ok, I told him to shut up, sit down and buckle up.
I’m getting us the hell out of Kentucky.
I took off out of the park and started telling him what happened. I then spent the next 20 minutes listening to him cackle hysterically. The last 10 minutes of it was because I realized I turned the wrong way out of the park and was going back farther into Kentucky.
When I yelled “oh hell no you water boarding psycho hose beasts!” He lost it again for another ten minutes.
In unrelated news, I’m going to start a petition to ban automatic toilets and hand dryers from all state parks to conserve energy.
Anybody wanna sign it??
Randomness 